I want to feel chemistry. I want to feel that spark when my eyes interlock with anothers. I want to feel all of my hairs tingle when anothers' skin lightly brushes against mine. I want my body to intertwine with anothers with such electricity, such emotion that the entire world stops in silence, stops turning, and all that matters is that we are together.

More importantly than that, I want to feel loved, for someone to feel that they need me, that they cant stop thinking about me, that their entire body aches to be near me as I have felt unrequitedly in the past.

I am a romantic at heart, yet I lock my heart away in a cold, deep cage as it yearns to escape. When I feel that touch, that feeling, that emotion, my heart beats rapidly to escape its cage, longing to feel again. It always escapes, though not always with the greatest of intensity.

My heart has been brutaly beaten by many men, some blows stornger and more painful than others and I am not yet twenty-one. I can only imagine the heartache I may feel in a decade if this intensity continues to exist. I have been treatedly badly by men, though the bad often comes with such intense good that it is difficult to understand, and to believe, that such bad could occur simultaneously.

I have lived to experience one night stands, fully blown affairs and even such simple pain as to be dumped for not instantly giving a man what he desires most. Most recently, I have been used for a mans pleasure, unaware that he secretly loved another but was unsure of his next action.

It is this pain which causes me to lock my heart away in such a cage of worries, of pain and of fear. I fear being hurt again. Yet each time I become involved, my heart bursts from its cage with open arms, longing for this next victim to be the one to make me love again, to make me trust again, only to be ripped ferociously in two and to be locked away in its murky depths once more.